IM~POSSIBLE! hehe mahpage[:

November 18, 2011 Friday

   So yesterday my birthday was a pretty normal day, which I guess isn’t surprising, so it’s whatever~ :o Just ate out with my roommate for dinner as a mini celebration ^^ My roommate is an interesting person, although he may not appear so to others. I can definitely see God slowly softening his heart —

   Uhm, took my EECS midterm Wednesday, and ate early thanksgiving dinner with Nich, Shuai, Michael, Rick, Kentaro, Jimmy, and Tim to just hang out and get to know each other more on Tuesday~

   Man, I really suck at this maintaining friendships thing :(. I never really was much of a friend who kept in touch with any of his friends in life.. and even this past year, I barely kept in touch with anyone, so it makes sense now that I’m quite distant from my old friends, a majority of my church, and friends in general.

    :T I won’t be surprised if some of them believe that I dislike them or something because of my insouciance (lack of concern) behavior of not even asking what’s up, or to even hanging out. Reality prob is, friends dislike me now, but yeah, in addition to my lack of skill in maintaining friendships, my imperfect self doesn’t help in mending my relationship.(It’s not like I don’t not keep in touch with people because I hate the world or something out of proportions x) )

   I guess I’m weird in my thinking, since I view my friendships a bit differently.. since I guess many of those people I view it that way with don’t see it as I do. :T My awkwardness in catching up to friends doesn’t help either. (I have so much to work on -_-)

  I remind myself of the importance of intentionality, but I haven’t done much for my past friendships. Sigh, well past is past. Though I can’t erase my past poor decision making, maybe change future decisions? hopefully :p.

I think some of the causes were: 1) Focusing too much on family (during the summer) to influence happiness. 2) Me not minding seclusion 3) Dwelling too much in the past. 4) Pride. 5) Barely using facebook, since I guess I was against using facebook too much, so I went the extreme, and barely used it. 6) My parents have done the same. 7) My hemorrhoids from before came back last month, (yes before and through midterms) and the recurrent pain just isn’t getting better -_- 8) Selfishness. 9) Ignorance and apathy. blaaah.

   I dunno… I guess I gotta be smarter in keeping friendships, especially with this realization that dawned in me. But hey, if one starts on the low end with skills in relationships, one can only go up! ^^

  Though I’m at fault for becoming distant with everyone else, I’m guessing God didn’t want me to maintain friendships with certain people? I don’t know his plan for me, but it’s okay, I’m still alive and kicking, so I praise God for that~

Everyday he blesses me with strength to persevere. He knows my needs. He showers me with so many blessings, and here I am complaining, dissatisfied, and  despondent… I have family, food, clothes, and I live in the US. He’s even given me the skills to improve and make friends already, so I guess I should just be disappointed with myself.

Well,

lkjdflaskjdf I need to remember that time is limited and God is limitless. I need to try to always glorify God in everything I do.

:T~ yeep.

I’d rather be un-gregarious, than socialize superficially.
I’d rather stand alone, than to ridicule others condescendingly.
I’d rather empathize with others, than relieve my own afflictions.
I’d rather carry out my promises, than try to justify my “good” intentions.
I’d rather suffer, than to see myself ignore someone in distress,
I’d rather have my weaknesses apparent, than to hide them, fake strength, to impress.
I’d rather be useful to anyone, than exploit others for my own gains.
I’d rather smile and hide it all, than fake my life’s pains.
I’d rather hang amongst the “losers”, than be around the bloated.
I’d rather utilize my God-given talents, than to have, right before my eyes, my precious time wasted.
I may make mistakes, but I keep myself in check, learn, and don’t allow myself to resemble fakes.
Because I am not infallible, or anywhere near the greatest person on earth,
I wrote this to keep my life in check, until the day of my death, and rebirth. (:
What I do, not what I say I do, defines what is, truly me.
Our entire lives ahead are full of choices and surprises. To live by our beliefs, for God, exercising prudence, whether in our time-management and our being with loved ones, to grow in all aspects, and being a light in this world, will carry us the furthest, and make our life here on earth more worthwhile.